Bet You Haven’t Seen This

When living in Malaysia, it’s well known that you have to brace yourself for “surprises” when using public toilets. But just when you thought you’ve seen everything possible in these toilet, I bet you haven’t seen this…

 

 

 

Someone (or something!) was either washing their vegetables here or some guy puked this out! Whatever it is…its FUCKING GROSS! Sigh! Some people are just so inconsiderate and uncivilized.

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

A colleague emailed me this which I thought was hilarious.

 

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109


Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Chris L. Jensen

To My Sayang..

For close to 2 years...

You wake me up every morning and you're the first I see

You sang to me whenever I feel down

You comfort me with your brillance

You remind me of things whenever I forget

You kept me entertained with your latest gossips

You listened to my problems

You are there with me through good times and bad

You kept my memories with you

We have this inimate connection that I can't explain

I can't live without you....

...thank you my dearest N80 :P

Welcome Back Present

If you think going on a long vacation is fun...think again! In our office, we just started this "if you go for a vacation for more than a week, we will do something to your desk" policy. Our first victim was my colleague Terence who just sits next to me. You see, he went for a 3 week honeymoon in New Zealand, and he came back this morning to his horror....










A lot of people had a hand in it (including yours truly). There also a video of us doing it! So the next time someone in the office decides to go on a long break...they better think twice! (including me...shit!)

*Slap Slap Slap*

It's 745AM....I jumped out of bed...rushed to the washroom...came back out...only to remember...IT'S SATURDAY!!!! .....went back to sleep till 1030AM....says a lot right?...sigh!

Baldy

I was bored with my hair and wanted a drastic change. So after much tinkering, and in a bold move, I finally decided to shave my head to save on shampoo and hair wax. =P

Super Multitasking

Who says men can't multitask? I did (but should NEVER be attempted unless your're a trainned professional =p) something this morning which just proved the theory wrong. This was what happend this morning. I was on my way to the office, when suddenly I received a text message from a colleague from the office telling me that a client was looking for me and it was REALLY URGENT. Well, I text back my colleague to ask if she taken down the number of the client but she said the client told her that I got her number. Hmmm...I was about 10 mins away from the office, so I just told my colleague that I'm nearby and will return the call once I get in.

Right after doing so, I got stuck in a traffic jam! Well...feeling uneasy, I wanted to call the client back since it was urgent..BUT....the contact number is in my laptop on the back seat of my car!....So what to do? Being stuck in a jam, I stretched out to the back seat and grabbed my laptop, turned it on and searched through my contact list while driving!...So now I got the laptop on my lap, and my mobile phone on the one hand, and the other holding the steering wheel! I was lucky that traffic was slow otherwise I think I would have gotten into an accident. After all that trouble, it turns out the client only wanted some text copy to be changed on the already "live" site...not really crucial if you ask me....GAH!!!

Luckly there wasn't any cops around at that time and I think if I had another extra hand, I would use my camera to take a photo of how I did it...hahaha...I wonder what the world record is for multitasking while driving...

The "Creative" Conversation

This is an actual conversation I had over MSN Messenger today:

whiterabbit says:
yo
whiterabbit says:
what's up?
-- demonick™ -- says:
hey...errmm...the sky?
whiterabbit says:
someone's not being very creative today
-- demonick™ -- says:
eh...creative wut
whiterabbit says:
how is that creative?
-- demonick™ -- says:
err...because it is?
whiterabbit says:
.....
whiterabbit says:
but why?
-- demonick™ -- says:
did anyone give you the same answer i did?
whiterabbit says:
yes
whiterabbit says:
but not today
-- demonick™ -- says:
ok..hahah...
-- demonick™ -- says:
but i was just stating the obvious
whiterabbit says:
not really
whiterabbit says:
it should have been the ceiling
whiterabbit says:
since you're indoors
-- demonick™ -- says:
hahaha..
-- demonick™ -- says:
darn
-- demonick™ -- says:
but the sky is "upper" than ceiling
whiterabbit says:
might as well say space is further up?
-- demonick™ -- says:
eh..true also..
-- demonick™ -- says:
okok..ask me again
-- demonick™ -- says:
:p
whiterabbit says:
no need
whiterabbit says:
i don't want to know anymore
-- demonick™ -- says:
hahahah
-- demonick™ -- says:
dont you just wished you just said "hi" and saved all that trouble?
-- demonick™ -- says:
:p
whiterabbit says:
yes
whiterabbit says:
bye
-- demonick™ -- says:
hahaha
-- demonick™ -- says:
see ya..

...creative eh?

Embarrassing Stories

If you're thinking that these stories are my embarrassing stories...well...think again! But hey, I would like to share these 2 incidences that I have actually encountered courtesy of others and by the end of both, you tell me which one is more embarrassing.

Incident 1
This took place at One Utama shopping centre a very long time ago (it was during my secondary school days). Back then, it was a trend to wear low-cut baggy jeans till they look like they're going to fall off or something (remember that time?). Anyway, it was a friend's birthday, and we were suppose to meet up in the shopping centre for a birthday celebration with a bunch of girls from another school, because my friend invited them. Our meeting point was in front of Jusco supermarket (back then there was no new wing yet!). So the birthday boy was sporting his baggy jeans that day in hopes of impressing the girls. It was so low, you could actually see his underwear from the back. We were there first, and later the girls came by and talked to my friend the birthday boy. I being the prankster, yanked his jeans hard till it fell straight down to the floor while he was talking to the girls (luckily he was wearing underwear!). Not only that, can you imagine the amount of people in that area?!! My friend was so embarrassed; he pulled his jeans up and chased the hell out of me, leaving the girls there stranded. I think I might have mentally scarred him for life during that incident.

Incident 2
A friend and I were driving around one afternoon and I had to stop to go use the restroom. So we stopped by this petrol kiosk as my friend had to fill up the tank anyway. I went in to the gents and had to use one of the cubicles as the urinals were out of order (so typical right?). So anyway, there were 2 doors. One was obviously closed and locked which only left the one which was slightly opened. Needless to say, I pushed it opened so that I can enter, and to my horror, there was a young girl there squatting taking a dump in full view!! The girl didn't scream or anything as I guess she was too shocked or embarrassed herself to react. I just said sorry (duh!!) and closed the door and went out laughing telling my friend of what happened. It turns out, the ladies restroom is locked and requires a key from the counter to be opened. I guess she was having an "emergency" and didn't bother asking. Why the heck do most of the petrol kiosks lock the ladies restroom to begin with anyway??!! So yeah, can you imagine that girl? She probably came out peeking if I was still around before coming out of the restroom. Oh, btw, I managed to hold it in and went to a shopping mall to relieve myself later on :)

So which do you think is more embarrassing eh?

I'm a Pentium III

Gee, I must have been slow at realising that I had made 2 major typo errors on 2 different entries. Best part was, I only realise it after about a week from the day it was first published! The first error was on the November 7th entry where I misspelled "Disguised" as "Disgused" on the title! Can you imagine??!!! Damn slow right??!! The title so big also didn't I realise 0.O"

The second error was the previous entry dated November 13th, where I misspelled Corrinne May as Corrienne May, as the hyperlink. That's why the damn link was not working because it's linked to the wrong site!!! BAHHHH!!!

I'm in need of a processor or RAM upgrade!

Quick Update: 25 October

There seems to be so much going on this week, and I don't think I have the time to write each event as a new entry. So I shall just summarize it here.

Actual Stupidity:
I actually saw this one guy at an optical shop the other day who was there to change the lens of his glasses. Why? Because the dumb ass stuck a screen protector on both his lens and now he needs to get them out! I was holding back my laughter when I heard what he wanted to do. I mean a screen protector on a pair of glasses?? WTF??!!

My New Love:
YAY! I finally bought the camera. I was playing it yesterday when I got it and there is only one word to describe it.....AWESOME! OMG! The night shots I took were so clear and it looks so natural even with the flash on! I got to say, at first I felt guilty for buying it, but after using it....NO REGRETS what so ever. Well, I will post up some pictures taken using my new camera later on, so look out for it.

Current Hooks:
I've been trying out Bursa Pursuit which is an online site for people who wants to get a taste of how to trade in the stock market. I got to say, it's quite interesting, although I am a newbie when it come to trading and investing in this area. Nevertheless, it's a good way to learn. Who knows I might even win something out of it!

Upcoming Weekend Events:
This weekend seems to be packed. Hey, I'm not bragging that I'm happening or anything but you know how sometimes everything just seem to happen on the same weekend? Yea, so this weekend things that I'm looking forward to are:

1. Oktoberfest
RM1 for a mug of beer? Yeah, you can bet me and my friends will be there.

2. Ee Laine's Birthday
Not sure where the birthday girl wants to go, but all she hinted was she wanted to get super wasted (I wonder why)..so will be in for a not so sober night.

3. Time to Pay Saman (Elaine's Wedding)
Yup, my high school classmate is finally getting married. Congrats Elaine!

4. Reban's Night Out?
I'm not sure if this will actually take place, but May Lynn says Suzanne wanted to go somewhere and get everyone together. But nothing confirmed as yet.

So there! All the updates for now. Check back soon for errr...more updates and of course photos! :)

An Innovative Alternative

3 GUESSES WHAT THIS IS??

Click here to find out!

You will be amazed with what it can do! Or err...suppose to do!

Rude Phone Calls

Finally get to update my blog again. I was really busy for the past week till the point that I was considering checking into a mental institution! No seriously, it was that bad. For the past 11 days or so, I was working till about 9-11-ish averagely and even on Saturdays and Sundays! Yeah, most of it was backlog work from the office but also I was busy helping out a friend on a project during the weekends. So yeah, my home is now officially a hotel. Of course there were 1 or 2 days that I manage to get off by 8pm, but usually it's later than that.

Oh well..back to the main point, I received 2 really rude and annoying phone calls yesterday. The first was from this "Ah Lian" telemarketer who just simply annoyed me. For those who don't know, I do not like telemarketers who call and speak to me in Chinese (in any dialect) or in any other language other than English, even though I understand them. To me I think it's really unprofessional because English should be the main language for all telemarketing communication. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to condemn or stereotype "non-Engerish" speaking people, but at least first have the courtesy to ask if I understand the language to begin with! Here's how the first conversation went:

*Phone rings*
Me: "Hello?"
Ah Lian: "Ni hao?" (Hello)
Me: "Yes? Who do you want to speak to?"
AL: "Ni ser pu ser chiang hwa yi ma?" (Do you know how to speak in Mandarin?)
Me: "Sorry, what?" (I actually don't know Mandarin but I want to see if she gets me..)
AL: "Ni ser pu ser chiang hwa yi ma?"
Me: "Sorry I don't understand. Can you speak in English please?"
AL: @$#%$!!! (mumbles something in Mandarin) *SLAM!*
Me: @$#%$!!! ????????

I think you get why I was so annoyed. Then as if that wasn't enough, in the evening, this happened:

*Phone rings*
Me: "Hello?"
Some Malay Dude: "Selamat petang Encik. Encik ada masa tak? Saya nak beritau pasal satu offer dari Hotel xxx" (Good evening Sir. Can you spare a few minutes? I want to let you know about this offer from Hotel xxx)
Me: "Errr..sorry I'm not free at the moment, and not interested"
SMD: "Tapi Encik, kenapa tak mau offer ini? You boleh bawa you punya family semua enjoy kat sini untuk harga rendah" (But why sir? You can bring your family to enjoy a stay at such a low price)
Me: "Sorry! NOT INTERESTED!!!"
SMD: "Tapi kenapa Encik? Offer ini tak boleh dapat mana mana" (But why Sir? You can't get this offer anywhere else)
Me: I'm sorry, I'm busy right now, and I'm NOT INTERESTED!
SMD: Ok lah! Kalau macam tu, tak apa lah Encik, Terima kasih. (Ok then, if that's the case, then nevermind. Thanks a lot)
Me: .........

WTF?? I mean, I was already busy and agitated, yet I have to result to such incompetency! Some people just don't get it when you say you're not interested or that you're busy at the moment. Perhaps the company who hire these people deserve to be shot. Maybe they have such low budget, they cannot afford to hire a proper professional and just got someone from off the street to do their work! Well you know what they say, you pay peanuts, you get monkeys!

My Birthday Gathering @ Cavell

I had gathering at Cavell on Saturday night to celebrate my birthday. It was a really last minute thing as some of you know (you only got the SMS in the morning/noon), so I didn't expect much to turn up. Honestly, I texted about 30 - 40 people, but seeing it was a "Transformers" weekend, a lot couldn't make it because of that! Well like I said, it was really last minute. Anyway to those who came, I'm sure you had fun making me become a piece of furniture by the end of the night..which I did!

I was so pissed drunk, they had to drag me out of the bar and my pet sister had to drive my car back to my house! Yup, it was that bad. The best part is, I do not remember anything after a certain period. Everything just went blank! Ok, I shall share some of the photos of the gathering, although I didn't put up some due to certain disturbing reasons...hehe!

Hansen, Karen & Doug

Selina & I

One of many shots. I had beers, a Flaming Lamborghini, Round the World, Graveyard, Sambuca + others I can't even remember!

Hansen + Doug Making fun of the "furniture"

Olivia wants a piece of the "furniture" too!

EVERYBODY wants a picture of the "furniture"

The aftermath!

Almost everyone..

Well, to sum things up, I had a blast although I couldn't remember the last few minutes. You guys really made it a birthday to remember. To those who turned out...THANK YOU! To those who couldn't make it...TOO BAD, you missed a good time. To those I didn't call...DON'T feel left out, it was a last minute thing and I didn't have time to call you one by one and will try to make it up to you.

P.S.: Naveen, special thanks for recommending the place.

The 300

I had this rather funny conversation with Michelle recently about The 300 movie which I found it really amusing. If you have watched the movie, you will get the conversation below:

Michelle says: i like 300. gooood. wasn't too concerned about the storyline. it's mythical, epic...
-- demonick™ -- says: ooo...what about the gore?
Michelle says: nah
-- demonick™ -- says: all the slicing and dicing?
Michelle says: its all CG
-- demonick™ -- says: were you freaked out? flying heads?
Michelle says: nope. very cool actually. i think there's a blood splatter template used by the CG artist
-- demonick™ -- says: hahah..good one..blood splatter template dont know that had such thing..
Michelle says: u dont think so...splat here, splat there
-- demonick™ -- says: yeah..but dont think all is the same
Michelle says: the fruity god king is sooo damn coool
-- demonick™ -- says: hahaha.. which part is fruity?
Michelle says: don't tell me u didn't think he was fruity
-- demonick™ -- says: why fruity?
Michelle says: a man who accessorises so much IS fruity
-- demonick™ -- says: but you know in real life he isnt that tall
Michelle says: with a moniker like that! Xerxes
-- demonick™ -- says: try spelling that backwards
Michelle says: sexrex
-- demonick™ -- says: yeah
Michelle says: and?
-- demonick™ -- says: nothing..its just funny
Michelle says: would it be weird to name ur pet dog Xerxes?
-- demonick™ -- says: yeah....i think sexrex is a better name for a dog haha
Michelle says: and those spartans! eye candy!
-- demonick™ -- says: yah...i know...all the girls must be drooling..300 hot men with sculpted bods
Michelle says: half naked greasy man...
-- demonick™ -- says: yeah...i bet you were in awe?
Michelle says: not just awe =P

Xerxes the fruity king??

I No Stupid, I Nerdy

I did this online nerd quiz to find out how nerdy I am. Found it on Sonia's site, and this is what it says:

My overall score is:
52% scored higher (more nerdy), 2% scored the same, and 46% scored lower (less nerdy).

What does this mean?
Your nerdiness is: Somewhat nerdy. I mean face it, you are nerdier than about half the test takers.

Does it mean I'm only half a nerd? Take the test and see!

King of the Road?

I was driving this morning and I saw a sticker attached to a Kancil that read "KING OF THE ROAD" in bright yellow. Then, a bus was tail-gating the poor car and it had to move out of the way. So much for being the King huh?

Getting Use to Candice

Alright, Candice is the name of my new car, if you're wondering. As you know, I sold Kim (Kimberly) a couple of weeks back, and I am adjusting to Candice right now. You all must be asking, what's the difference? Well one thing for sure, its the size of the car. Compared to Kim, Candice is longer and wider therefore making estimations on turning/parking a lot harder. There is still so much of Candice to explore. It's like starting a whole new relationship. You need to know how she behaves, what are her likes and dislikes.

The Curve Incident
Well recently, Candice has been having a minor conjunctivitis, which leaves her one eye blind at times (one of the headlamps had a bad connection). So yesterday I went to take her for a check up. I was told that the connection socket was faulty and needed a change. Well, I then had to change to brighter bulbs too as the current one was really dim. Ok, so anyway, after changing the bulbs, I headed to The Curve, to meet a friend.

After parking Candice, I decided to test out her new bulbs under lower lighting conditions. Guess what??! It didn't work! Only the smaller bulbs were working! I panicked as I was there around 6pm and it's going to be dark soon and imagine driving without headlamps! I know for the fact that the shop closes at 7pm. So I just went in to "pay" the parking as I wanted to go back there to fix the problem. The card read: "RM0.00" as I haven't been there long enough to be even charge a parking fee. So, as I was driving out of the parking lot, I decided to test out the lights again. Then guess what!!? IT WORKS! Fuck! It turns out that Candice's "eyes" don't open when the engine is not started. It's different from how Kim use to behave, that's why I panicked.
Sheesh, lucky thing I haven't exited the parking area, but just gave away my space to someone else. So I had to make a "U-ee" and find another lot. I feel so stupid but lucky thing, no one else was there to witness the drama.

Introduction Boo Boos

Have you ever fumbled while introducing yourself? I know I have. Maybe because I'm just being caught off guard, and the spur of the moment thing. This don't happen too frequent though (thank God), but when you think back, its rather funny. These are some of the "boo-boos" I've made (promise not to laugh) while introducing myself:

1. Giving the person another person's name card by accident
2. Shake (a girl's) hands with a grip of a python, till that person says "ouch!"
3. Shake the person's hand while my hands were wet/oily/sticky
4. Mispronouncing the name of the person, even though he/she said it aloud the first time
5. Can't help but smirk because the person's name sounds weird/funny
6. Introduce the person I'm with as someone else
7. Fumble my OWN name (this only happens if it's a drop dead gorgeous girl..but can you blame me?)

So, if you're one of those people who I introduced myself with the methods above, so sorry.

Chinese in Malaysia

A friend emailed me this which I find it so true:

Today, in Malaysia, there is no longer just the Chinese. Along the way, the Chinese people divided beyond dialects and religious faith. We now have denomination within the Chinese. The major three groups are Regular, Cina, and Ah Beng.

The Regular group is the minority, making up less than 20% of the Chinese people. This group has the following characteristics:
1. Speaks English as the first language.
2. Thinks the world owes them a living.
3. Uses the Internet more than the other two groups combined.
4. Loves the iPod and/or IKEA.
5. Watches one or more of the following TV series: "Sex And The City", "Friends", or "CSI."
6. Thinks that the Regular group is way larger than it is and makes fun of the other groups, particularly the Ah Beng group. Why? Because it's fun.

Recent studies have also shown that there is a growing splinter group within the Regular group known as the CPWTTANC group. (CPWTTANC is short for Chinese People Who Think They Are Not Chinese.) This growing subgroup are considered elitist by some and are found making statements like "I wish I were in the U.S." or "This never happened when I was studying in Australia." They also tend to speak with an unidentifiable accent. The women may also prefer to date white men from foreign countries with the excuse that local men just "don't understand me" and have the secret desire to be taken away to the U.S. to live in a sitcom.

The second Chinese group, Cina make up approximately 55% of the Chinese community. (Cina is derived from the Malay word Cina which means Chinese and is pronounced "chee-na". And you will have to say it in a condescending tone for effect.) This group is considered mainstream and contribute to the numbers that reflect development in the country. They are the masses in context of the Chinese community. In other words, if you want to sell something to the masses of Chinese people, the Cina is it.

The Cina are identified by the following traits:
1. Speaks Mandarin or Cantonese as the first language.
2. Generally quiet, self-effacing, and obliging but are actually shrewd and calculative.
3. Sees Taiwan as the place to be.
4. More likely to forward chain email to people in their address book.
5. Goes to Halo Café or Wow Wow Café BY CHOICE at least three times a year.
6. Has Astro hardwired to Wah Lai Toi.
7. Calls a music video an MTV instead of music video.
8. Knows all the dim sum dishes by name.
9. Seventy percent of lighting at home generated by flourescent lights.

The last group are known as the Ah Bengs . This term was probably made up by the Regulars in the early 80s during the cultural invasion that saw the mass import of music and movies from countries like Hong Kong, Taiwan, and to some extent, Japan. This phenomenon saw the more open-minded and runaway members of the Cina group defect into Ah Bengs and its feminine equivalent, Ah Lian. They just took their Alan Tam and Anita Mui a little too seriously.

Perhaps the most made-fun-of group not only by its own Chinese people but by people of other races, the Ah Bengs are often seen as people living on the edge and have more flamboyant tastes.

One may identify the Ah Beng by these tell-tale signs:
1. Built-in visual self-defense mechanism that keeps people away from them.
2. Have enough amplifiers in their one car to power speakers for six cars.
3. Hair not in their original colour.
4. Volume of voice is automatically five decibels higher than everyone else.
5. Excessive use of the phrase "Kan Ni Na Bu Ciao Chee Bai". (Although, to be fair, some members of the Regular group have been reported to use the phrase on a daily basis as well.)
6. Once a fan of one of the following groups: Vengaboys, Dr Bombay, Aqua, or the Cheeky Girls.
7. Their Proton car does not look like a Proton car due to modifications.
8. For the Ah Lians, have at least one bag fashioned after a furry animal complete with the head.

With the new understanding of the Chinese people, it is the hope of this writer that we all get along and respect the differences of the groups within the Chinese community.

As a footnote to this study, the first group is called Regular because the writer of this document falls in this group. It also reinforces one of the characteristics of the group which is self-righteousness. If not, Regular could also befit the bowel activity of the writer given his excessive intake of fruits and vegetables.